Saturday, October 26, 2013

My Life Now

It's been a while since I posted anything on this blog.  After I gave birth to my son and took on my new role of motherhood, I would get a bit overwhelmed thinking about when I'd have time to post something so I kind of put it on the back burner.  More importantly, my old friend anxiety took over and I started thinking about how I might regret posting pics of my son online along with all of my personal business.  I've relaxed a bit in that sense, but only because I now have more important things to be anxious about, lol.  For example, how do you keep a two year old boy from wanting to jump off of EVERYTHING?!?

My life now is full of little giggles, hugs and kisses from small arms and lips, singing silly songs, funny voices, adventure, anxiety, cartoon filled mornings, juice filled cups, and most of all LOVE!  Did I mention anxiety??  Who knew that my anxiety could reach the levels that it has?! I think that happens when you're completely responsible for another life other than your own.  But love definitely trumps it all.  If I ever thought that my heart was filled with love before, I was completely wrong.  There is no other way to describe it other than my heart wants to explode from all of the love that I feel for this little boy.  If I sit and think about how much I love him, tears of joy and happiness automatically start running.  *Sigh*  Queue the waterworks...

I still have the same thoughts as before...will I be a good enough mother for him?  Will I be able to raise this small, determined little boy, into a respectful, loving man?  Will having no father to look up to be detrimental to his upbringing?  I don't have the answers to any of those questions.  I hope that doing my best is good enough, but only time will tell.  Some days I let go of my anxiety and live in the moment as best as I can, and some days I let it get to me and practically drown in my fears.  One of the best things about having this little man in my life is that I have a constant life preserver now.  Anytime I feel like my head is getting in the way, all I have to do is lay eyes on him and I instantly come back down to earth.  He's truly been my angel.