God and I talked last night...

So, my friends that have known me for years, know that I'm not the most religious person in the world.  Its not that I don't believe in God, but more so that I don't believe in organized religion.  And because I don't believe in organized religion, I had let those feelings distance me from even having conversations with Him.  Prayers were not a part of my daily routine, and when I would occasionally think about praying (usually in a time of crisis), I would feel guilty for only thinking of Him then.  Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I only prayed when I needed something??  So, that distanced me further and further away from any religious side I may have had in the past.

He definitely has been on my mind lately though.  And after talking to a few friends, they pointed out that even if I felt that I was being a hypocrite, that God would not see it that way.  That He is there for me when I need Him, and I should at least attempt to get Him back in my life.  So, last night we talked.  I prayed for the first time in a long time.  I mean, I've attempted to pray in the past...but it was nothing like last night.   Last night I told Him everything that was on my mind, and I think he listened.   I was lost for so long, that I never thought I'd get myself back.  And then Bean came along....he saved me from myself.  I had to thank God for this blessing, not only because I thought I couldn't have kids and I'd never get to be a mother, but also because Bean LITERALLY saved me.  I knew the path I was on was leading no where but to more heartache and destruction.  I stayed on that path because I just didn't care anymore.  Then I was blessed with Bean, and he pulled me away from that life.  I know I am still not a 100% me...but I'm getting there.  I have a new love in my life, and he is going to depend on me for everything.  I have to be strong for him, and have faith that God is by my side again.  Not because God ever left me, but because I left Him.

So, today is a new day....today I see Him in my life.  I will not ignore Him anymore.  I am blessed and thankful for everything he has provided me, and even for the things that have been taken away from me. Because without those things happening, I wouldn't have my Bean....