I had no idea...

Who knew that day cares were SO expensive???  Ok, so I had heard that they were expensive, but jeeze...I didn't expect it to equal almost a whole other mortgage payment!  My mother, being the excited grandmother that she is, started looking at day cares one day while I was at work.  The several that she checked were chain day cares, and they were all pretty close to home.  I could not believe the prices they quoted her!!  The average is $200 a week...how am I suppose to afford that?!?  After my divorce, I kept the house that we had bought together.  I use to be proud of being single with a house...paying my own way, taking care of myself.  I had to work a lot of overtime to make it, but I did it.  Now with a baby coming, I'm not so sure that its wise to keep it.  Unfortunately, the housing market is still not good, so I'm almost positive I cant sell it, at least not without losing money on it.  So, one option would be to leave it and take the hit to my credit, which by the way is excellent.  It almost makes me sick to think about the hard work I put into keeping my credit good just so I can throw it all away.  Anyway, the second option would be to have my mom move in with me.  She would either have to rent her home or try to sell it.  I'm 32 years old, having my first baby... I'm not sure how I feel about living with my mom again.

Well, I still have about 3 months left of my pregnancy, and then a few months of maternity leave.  I guess I have some time to figure it out....I just hope the answer comes to me soon!

God and I talked last night...

So, my friends that have known me for years, know that I'm not the most religious person in the world.  Its not that I don't believe in God, but more so that I don't believe in organized religion.  And because I don't believe in organized religion, I had let those feelings distance me from even having conversations with Him.  Prayers were not a part of my daily routine, and when I would occasionally think about praying (usually in a time of crisis), I would feel guilty for only thinking of Him then.  Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I only prayed when I needed something??  So, that distanced me further and further away from any religious side I may have had in the past.

He definitely has been on my mind lately though.  And after talking to a few friends, they pointed out that even if I felt that I was being a hypocrite, that God would not see it that way.  That He is there for me when I need Him, and I should at least attempt to get Him back in my life.  So, last night we talked.  I prayed for the first time in a long time.  I mean, I've attempted to pray in the past...but it was nothing like last night.   Last night I told Him everything that was on my mind, and I think he listened.   I was lost for so long, that I never thought I'd get myself back.  And then Bean came along....he saved me from myself.  I had to thank God for this blessing, not only because I thought I couldn't have kids and I'd never get to be a mother, but also because Bean LITERALLY saved me.  I knew the path I was on was leading no where but to more heartache and destruction.  I stayed on that path because I just didn't care anymore.  Then I was blessed with Bean, and he pulled me away from that life.  I know I am still not a 100% me...but I'm getting there.  I have a new love in my life, and he is going to depend on me for everything.  I have to be strong for him, and have faith that God is by my side again.  Not because God ever left me, but because I left Him.

So, today is a new day....today I see Him in my life.  I will not ignore Him anymore.  I am blessed and thankful for everything he has provided me, and even for the things that have been taken away from me. Because without those things happening, I wouldn't have my Bean....

Update on our visit with family...

So, the birthday party at my aunts house this past weekend was great!  I got to see my cousins and grandmother, and they all got to meet belly Bean.  I cant wait until we all meet him for real...

The highlight was when the Beans great Grandma Mimi brought out the indestructible Sponge Bob piñata.  It literally took the kids more than half an hour to TRY and bust it open.  They did some damage to Sponge Bob's limbs, but I think eventually an adult just ripped him open and shook out all the candies, lol.

I cant wait till Bean gets to enjoy these birthday parties with me. <3

My lil cousin Christy and I

Tia Ana, Bean and I, and Grandma Mimi

The Kiddos - Riley, Kingston, and the birthday girl, Brisa

Grandma Mimi and my cousin Danny with the indestructible piñata!  

Going to see Bean's Great Grandma Mimi

My grandmother is in town (all the way from Mexico) for one of her other great grand baby's birthday parties.  This will be the first time she'll get to see me during my pregnancy, so I'm excited for her to meet my Bean!  I know its not their first "real" meeting, but still...in life you never know whats going to happen, so this is still special to me.  I think my hormones are kicking in really strong lately, because I'm actually tearing up right now, lol. Time to go get ready for the party!

New Worries

So I just read through the new issue of Baby Talk and I'm freaking out a bit.  First off, to any new mothers or mothers to be, this is a free subscription.  Its not a very thick magazine, but it has a lot of good info, which is all Im looking for.  And whats better than free?!?!?

Two new worries that came out of reading this months mag...radiation from cell phones or laptops and dangerous crib items.  First things first...possible radiation from my lap top...really???  I usually surf the net, write my blog posts, and do my online shopping with my laptop in my lap.  Preferably reclined at a 45 degree angle, on my recliner.  So all these months, I've been feeding radiation to my poor little Bean??  Ugh, I feel like a horrible mother now.  They sell these radiation blocking blankets and shirts that pregnant women can use, but I only have a few months left so I probably wont purchase one.  Why didnt my Dr say something, or why wasnt it in one of the many baby sites that I visit??  I just HOPE that I had enough layers of fat to block some of the radiation, lol.  I guess its back to uncomfortable web surfing and blogging....

The next article was about possible crib dangers that can cause harm or even death to your baby.  I expected some of the suggestions, like having the baby sleep on his or her back or not buying a drop side crib.  But there were some suggestions I wasn't expecting.  For instance, no toys or blankets in the crib till after the baby is one.  So no cute teddy bear to cuddle with...no blankets to keep him warm...no pillow for his head.  I can deal with no toys or pillows, but what am I suppose to do with that expensive blanket set that I'm getting for the babies room???  Why do stores even sell this stuff if the baby isn't suppose to use anything.  I'm kinda feeling like its just going to be a waste of money, but at the same time I want it, lol. Not much I can do now since its already been bought for us.  I'll have to figure something out I guess...

Anyway, thats enough worrying for now...its past our bedtime.  Good night my friends!

http://www.parenting.com/Babytalk/babytalk.jsp?genID=7

No luck...

Bean and I went to Party City to see if we could find some cute baby shower decorations.  Unfortunately, they are not very well stocked.   I mean, they have some cute stuff, but its the same stuff I've see over and over again.  Bleh!!  Maybe we'll have better luck at Arne's next weekend.

On the plus side...I did find some cute mother's day cards for my mom and my sister in law.  This is my sister in law's first official mothers day, so I wanted to find her a cute card.  As for my mom...I found a cute card that will be mainly from Bean to his Grandma. We also had chili dogs for lunch, which was great!! Until, now, that I feel my hands swelling up a bit.  Is it the sodium in the food, or the heat from outside??  I don't know, but I think I will blame it on the heat for now.  And for an extra treat...blue bell cookies and cream ice cream!!  For those of you that don't know, I am lactose intolerant...but pregnancy cravings cannot be shut down like regular cravings.  So...this should be interesting...lol.

Worrying is kinda my thing...

I try not to worry...I try to let things go, and just hope for the best.  But sometimes that doesn't work.  I know that worrying and stress aren't good for Bean.  In fact, all my worrying makes me worry about what I'm doing to him in there!  Anyway, I know that once I have him...once he's in my arms and I'm in charge of his little life, the worrying is going to really take off.  So, to any parents out there who were worriers before they had children, how do you manage to keep your sanity through parenthood?  Does it get any easier over the years, or will there always be something to worry about??  I always thought that I'd have my husband there to help keep me sane...to keep me from driving our kids crazy, lol.  Oh well...guess I need to figure this out on my own.

I think instead of sitting here worrying, I'm going to take Bean for a drive...grandma is working, so we'll have some time alone. :)