Shhh...Bean is sleeping!

So, here is another quick post while Bean is asleep.  The last couple of days we've been dealing with gas!  Now, my son was born passing gas.  So I guess I'm surprised that its become a problem because he's always been good at getting it out, lol.  He's been known to blow bubbles in his bath, and even scare himself awake out of deep sleep!  I don't know who he gets it from...definitely not me! lol.  Anyway, he had a 3 hour episode yesterday.  I was home alone, and it was HORRIBLE to hear him crying...no, screaming...at the top of his little lungs and not be able to do anything about it.  At one point I had to put him down and walk away to do a little crying myself.  Not for long though, because I hated the thought of him thinking that I just left him while he was in pain, so I sucked it up and went back to try and soothe him.  He eventually burped, and my best friend came over also and was able to take over for a bit to give me a break.  It was great because by the time she left, he was knocked out!  My mom also came home from work a little early because she hated to think of him crying like that.  Bean is so LOVED!!

For other moms out there, here are a few tips for dealing with a gassy baby:

1. Gas drops; The more popular one is called Mylicon but I have yet to find them it in the stores.  So I've tried Little Tummy's and the Walgreen's version.  Next will be the Target version.  They all seem to be the same, and are used by either adding them to the baby's formula or directly into their mouth.  I add them to all of Bean's bottles and during his episode yesterday he got it straight into his mouth.  He burped within 20 mins or so.  That was great, but since he gets it in every bottle, I wonder why there is gas in the first place..???

2. Warm wash cloth on the tummy; I've tried this and it does help.  The only thing I don't like is that it only helps as long as the towel is warm, which is for maybe a couple of minutes.  What you do is warm up a wash cloth in the microwave for 20-30 seconds.  Make sure its not too hot though, you don't want to burn the baby!

3. Sugar water; I have not tried this, but it was suggested to me by a friend.  I think you just mix a little sugar with an ounce or two of water.  Has anyone else tried this?

4. Chamomile tea;  Now, when my mom first told me to give him a little tea in his bottles, I was against it.  She eventually convinced me and he gets a little tea mixed in with his formula.  As a mix in, I wasn't noticing if it worked or not.  He occasionally still had gas problems, and it didn't prevent the big episodes.  But...given to him by itself, it does bring on some big burps!  So right now, I think this is my favorite.

Ok, I can here him moving around more so he will probably be up soon.  I will TRY to post again soon!  Until then, enjoy this picture of Bean...lol.

Bean - 1 month old

I know its been FOREVER!!

Im sorry this took so long, but its been hectic around here!  Unfortunately, I will probably not be able to give you the whole story because someone will be up soon...lol.

I had the baby!!  My son Bean was born on August 20th and weighed 8 lbs, 4 oz!  I ended up having to have a c-section because I stopped dilating at 8 cm's after being induced the day before.  I hate that I had a c-section though...I thought that it would be better for my girl parts, lol, but the recovery has been horrible! I opened up some of my stitches and have still not healed so the Dr will not clear me to drive.  Which means, we are stuck at home...

Anyway, I can hear him waking up so I better go.  I hope at some point I will get in a routine and have some free time, but so far that hasnt happened, lol.

Bean and I at the hospital

Beanie Boy

Bean and his cousin Monkey

As you can see, he was born with a full head of hair!

40 Weeks!!

Ok, so I never thought that I'd actually make it all the way to my due date!!  I don't think anyone did, lol.  The most common comment I got during these last few months was that Bean was not going to wait because he was looking like a big boy, lol.  Well...this big boy is just getting bigger, and not budging! My doctors appointment today had no new results.  I am still not dilating, and everything is still closed for business, lol.  Bean hasn't even officially dropped!  What is he waiting for???  Ugh...I said I wanted him to come on his own time, so I guess that's whats he's doing.  I just thought that he'd be here by the due date at least.  Anyway, the good news is he is still doing good in there, and that's all that really matters.  Healthy baby = Happy mom!

The doctor wants me to go in on Friday to make sure the baby is still doing ok.  She mentioned something about doing a stress test and seeing if I have shown any progress in the dilating part.  If not, then we'll wait till next week to induce.  They don't want to induce too early if I haven't started dilating at all because we run the risk of starting a process that my body cant finish on its own....which then has a higher chance of leading to a C-Section, that I am trying to avoid.  So, if I haven't started the process on my own by this weekend, we'll induce next week and hope for the best.

For now, I just have to wait.  And honestly, I think I would be ok with the waiting if everyone wasn't so anxious around me! lol  Its a bitter sweet feeling, because on the one hand I LOVE that there are so many people that are excited to meet and love him!  But it does tend to put a little pressure on me too. Not as much as my mom though...she's just so anxious and nervous, I think she makes it hardest for me.  Someone told her a story that I guess scared her, so now she feels like the more he stays in there, the more there is a chance of something going wrong.  And being pregnant, your already worried about what can happen.  You don't need reminders everyday....anyway, hopefully after hearing from the doctor that everything is ok, she will calm down.

Time to go...this carpal tunnel is kicking in, lol.

Still Waiting!

Hello!  I haven't been blogging as much lately because I usually cannot stand to sit in front of my lap top after a long day at work...in front of a computer, lol.  But I wanted to give everyone a quick update!  My usual Tuesday check up produced the usual results...Bean is not ready!  I am still not dilating, and my cervix is still closed.  I am ok with that for now, but I am getting nervous that he is going to go past his due date.  And that I do not want!  I will try to be as patient as I can be, but its getting harder to get around with this big belly!  This will be my last week at work though, and I also do not want to waste too much of my leave time waiting around.  I wanted to work till the very end, but its getting way too hard.  I am exhausted all the time, and stressing over my work load.  That is not the way I want to bring Bean into the world!  So maybe once I go on leave, I can concentrate on Bean a little more, and get some walking in.  And hopefully a few naps in between!

Countdown to Sprouting Bean....7 days!  (Hopefully, lol)

Look what I found!!

Ok, so this post will not be very long.  My feet are HUGE, and I need to get back to my recliner before they explode, lol.   I had an ultrasound today, and Bean looked great!  Since he's pretty big now, it was hard to get a clear pic of his face, but I caught a glimpse, and he was beautiful <3.  He was opening and closing his mouth, probably because he had hiccups, lol.  The ultrasound tech said he may be about 9 lbs if he goes all the way to my due date...oh boy!  Of course, they are often wrong, so there's really no way to know for sure till he's here.  I had my 37 week check up also, and I am still not dilating.  I'm completely fine with that, because I want him in there as long as he needs to be.  He will be ready when he's ready....no rush.  :)

Back to what this post was really suppose to be about...look at what I found at Target in between my appointments!

Blue soft fabric high tops for $3
"Star of Mommy's Blog" bib for $.58!!

The high tops were originally $19.99, so that was a huge save.  Especially since I hear that baby clothes/shoes do not last long.   The bib was originally $2.37, but I would have probably paid 4x's that to get it!!  Isn't it perfect?!?!  I cant wait till my little star gets to wear it!  <3

Are you ready??

I've been getting this question almost everyday from different people.  Are you ready??  And my answer always surprises them....no.  Am I suppose to be ready now??  I guess if they were more specific, then maybe my answer would change.  Maybe I should explain...

If you asked me, am I ready to meet my son, the answer would be YES!!  If you asked me if I was ready to go on leave and spend 3 months with him?  Hell YES!  But, when they ask, I feel as if its a question of...Are you ready for taking on the most important and difficult role of your life???  Well, the answer is NO!  Are you ready to change your whole life around for this one little person??  Well...I'd probably say yes to that one, with only a few reservations, lol.  Either way though, I have a lot of mixed feelings right now.  I'm soooo excited to meet my son, and see what he looks like and what his personality will be like.  I imagine it's like meeting the love of your life for the first time....who wouldn't be excited?  I'm also excited to finally feel like I belong to someone who needs me...like I matter.  I know that sounds sad and depressing, but its how I feel.  I'm sure if you know me personally, you understand.  

So, how do I mentally prepare for this?  How do I get myself ready for the most important role of my life???  I have NO idea....I just keep hoping that one day I will feel ready to take it on.  Don't get me wrong, I want to take this role on!  I've been waiting for this for the last 12 years or so.  I've thought about why I wasn't scared when I was trying to get pregnant while I was married.  I guess knowing there is someone there with you helps you feel a bit more secure.  Like you can both handle anything that comes your way.  But being a single parent, you feel like all the pressure is on you, and you alone.  I guess I'm just scared...scared of failing him.  I'm scared of letting him down, and not being enough for him.  I want to be the best mom I can be, and I'm scared he will see through me.  I want to be strong for him, and give him what he needs.  I want to be there for him no matter what, and always put him first.  I want to make sure that he always knows that he is loved and that he matters.  I guess I will just have to take it one step at a time, and try to do my best.   I just hope my best is enough...

For now, he will have ALL my love....

36 weeks = 9 months!!

Today I am 36 weeks, which is about 9 months pregnant...wow!!  I have less than 30 days to my due date, and maybe less than that if Beanie decides to show up early.  Of course, he could decide to show up later too, lol.  Some people have questioned me being 9 months already...if your 9 months, shouldn't you be having the baby already?!?!?  The answer is no...I have completed 8 months of pregnancy, and am starting my 9th month.  Once I complete my 9th month, thats when the baby is fully "baked", and is due lol.  So technically, women carry baby's for up to 10 months, or 40 weeks as the Dr's put it.

Here is some interesting info regarding the baby at 36 weeks:

- The baby is about 6 lbs, between 18-20 inches long.
- His skull and most of his bones will remain soft, making it easier to pass through the birth canal.
- Most of his systems (from circulatory to musculoskeletal) are ready, though his digestion system wont kick into gear until he takes his first suckle at the breast or bottle.
- My hormones are causing the connective tissue in my body to soften and loosen.  This is going to help the baby squeeze through the pelvic bones, which will be more flexible.  The downside of this joint flexibility is discomfort in the pelvis and hip area.  I feel that!!!  No wonder its hurting a lot more to get around...
- Frequent heartburn, urination, gas, increased swelling of the feet, hands and face (?!?), and difficulty sleeping.  Great!

Those are some of the great things I'm going through for now...of course Bean is worth all the discomfort and pain.  He's worth so much more...

36 Weeks

Update to the I Love Thrifting Party

First, I want to apologize for not having more updates to my blog lately...unfortunately, during the week I am way too exhausted to even get on my lap top.  I guess thats normal with being almost 9 months pregnant!!

So, the party was AWESOME!  My friend Katie Mac did a great job of putting together a great little party at one of her favorite boutiques.  It wasn't your usual thrift store, but more of a high end consignment store.  The owner of A Perfect Fit Resale Boutique was really nice for letting us have our first get together at her shop.  Katie Mac provided some wine for those that could indulge, and a fruit and cheese tray that I willingly attacked, lol.  The shop provided some great finds for the smaller peeps in our group...unfortunately, they don't carry plus size items.  The brands she carries though are mostly high end name brands, so I would probably go back just to try and snag a nice purse or something.  The other shop that was involved was a few doors down, and it was specifically for kids.  The shop, Clothes for Kids Resale, was also great.  I made it a point to go down and visit with the owner and her shop cat Smokey, lol.  I did find a hoodie for Bean, so that was nice.  Unfortunately, she had more girl clothing than boy clothing though, so that's all I found.  But that seems to be the norm everywhere, lol.  I guess boys fashions are not as popular...

Katie Mac...always posing and smiling!

A Cat in the Hat onesie that Katie Mac bought for Bean!  So cute!!!  Thanks Katie Mac!

I had to find somewhere to sit...the stairs had to do!

Some of the girls that showed up to support Katie Mac..they even did their own T-Shirts!!
Luci from Strictli Hair, Joycelyn, Angelica, Shandha, and Michelle from Fitz Chronicles

I had to show the Wine and Snack table!!  I hovered over it for a while, lol

Katie Mac did a great job, and EVERYONE is waiting for her next thrifting party!  Can't wait for the next Mac Styles event!

I love Thrifting Party today!!

As a little girl, my mom would take us to thrift stores and garage sales to look for clothes.  Being a single mother of two, she was doing what she had too to make ends meet.  As much as I understand that now, I use to hate it when I was a kid!  Other than the occasional $1 toy, I would always feel "less than" my other friends.  As an adult, I've held on to that idea for a while.  Other than maybe a passed down piece of furniture, I hated the idea of wearing someone else's clothes or shoes.  Not just because it was used, but because I would think a little further into it...what if that person's "bad luck" passed on to me with their clothes?  Like, somehow a piece of that person's soul came along with the $2 pair of jeans.  Lol, I know that sounds crazy, but I seriously felt that way!  This all changed a few years ago...

About 4 years ago, I became a vegetarian (which I gave up 4 months into my pregnancy due to uncontrollable cravings for beef!).  While I was only concerned with my health at the beginning, I learned about all of the GREAT reasons to not consume animal meat products.  One of them was due to the environmental impacts it had on our great planet Earth.  This of course opened my eyes to the impact humans have on the planet, so I started looking for ways to reduce my ecological footprint.  This brought on buying a home that was energy efficient, using energy saving light bulbs, recycling, unplugging unused appliances, buying less, etc., etc.  Another great way to help save the Earth???  Buying used products when available.  In today's world, we're taught to BUY BUY BUY!!  Consumerism has taken most people into a world of debt, and most of the time its just to keep up with the Jones's.  But it doesn't only have an impact on our wallets, it also has an impact on our world!  When we buy everything new, all the time, we are creating more and more waste.  Our landfills are full of waste that causes environmental concerns of all types...pollution of the soil, water, air...I could keep going, but I wont. Enough ranting, let me get back to my point, lol.

A couple years ago, my friend Katie Mac took me to a thrift store.  Even with my intentions of leaving a lighter footprint on this Earth than most, I was still not convinced I wanted to wear someone else's clothes!  But, she has a way of being persuasive, lol.  So I tagged along, thinking I would find NOTHING I wanted.  This was not the case of course...I found so much great stuff, that it completely changed my mind of what thrift stores are all about.  Thrifting is my new friend!  Especially with a baby on the way, and being a single mom.  

Anyway, there is so much more that I want to say, but I don't have time!  I have to go get ready for my friends I <3 Thrifting party!!  I will post again after the party to let everyone know how it went!

TheMacStyles Thrifting Party!!

Just a quick update

It seems like I haven't posted in forever, so I just wanted to post a quick update.  Unfortunately, I've been sick for the past week.  It started out as just a dry cough.  Then it turned into a full on cough...then more allergies to add to it.  I went to the Dr Monday, and they said they couldn't give me anything because there was no infection.  So, I went into work Tuesday thinking I was fine....well, I got worse.  Now, I've been home most of the week, and its gotten to the point where it is an infection.  I'm on antibiotics now,and I'm hoping that any little fever I get here and there doesn't get too high.  I made it through almost my whole pregnancy not taking any medication...I never even took aspirin for any of my headaches or pain.  And now I'm on antibiotics....oh well.  It's better that I don't let this get out of hand...I'm already worried about what Bean is going through in there, I don't want to put him at risk if I get a fever.

Other than that, I had my work baby shower last Friday, and that went great.  Not many people showed up, but this was the day I really started feeling sick, so it was probably better.  I do better with small groups anyway.  I haven't done much else while at home.  I keep thinking about all the stuff I need to do, but since I don't feel good, I just lay around taking occasional naps.

Hope everyone has a good holiday weekend.  I wont get to celebrate much, but maybe someone can eat some BBQ for me.  :)

This past Saturday was my baby shower, and it was BEAUTIFUL!!  First, I want to thank my best friend Nikki and my Mom for putting it together...they did a great job!

I'm still in shock actually...I remember stopping at one point and looking around at everyone that was there and thinking...this is MY baby shower...this is for me and MY baby!  They came for US!  I gave up hope so long ago, thinking that I'd never have a baby...that I'd never be the one having the baby shower.  I think that's part of the reason I was so worried about who would actually show up.  It just seemed so unreal.  But, most of my friends and family were there...almost everyone that I love.  Anyway, it was great....Bean got a lot of gifts!!

Everyone that was there helped make this day so special...I'm feeling very loved!  Here are a few pictures from the shower...

My BEAUTIFUL Noah's Ark cake!  It tasted just as good as it looked too!

Me with my cake...still in awe of it!

A lion riding a diaper motorcycle, lol.   So cute, and different from the usual diaper cake.

All of Bean's gifts...we're off to a great start!!

I tried...

I told myself that I would not use this blog to vent about all of my frustrations with life.  That this would be as positive as I could make it, and it would be about my life with Bean.  Well....life is messy.  Even with Bean, there will be bad days or set backs.  And today was no different...today was a bad day.  No...correction...today was a HORRIBLE day!

I've had some bad days lately, and the pregnancy hormones aren't helping much.   Stressing about the baby shower coming up, and all of my usual worries (money and my worthiness of being a mom) are always on my mind.  Missing my ex husband has also been pretty bad lately.  I mean, we were together for 15 years..so I guess that's normal...right?  Anyway, back to today...work has been pretty stressful lately as well.  When you have new managers taking over, you never know whats going to happen.  I knew to expect changes, but I guess I thought it would happen later...maybe while I was on maternity leave, or, wishful thinking, sometime next year.  I didn't expect all of these changes within a couple of weeks of the takeover.  And I say takeover because I know that they have been waiting to take over our department for a while.  I wont go into specifics about my job, but I will say that I've been mostly happy with it...until now.

My ex boss will tell you that I don't deal with change very well.  Its not that I don't like change, its that I need time to process it.  I don't like it thrust upon me, with no warnings.  I need to have time to think about it and figure out if its going to work for me or not.  Well, the new management team doesn't know about my process.  And I dare to say that they do not care either.  What I hate more than unexpected change, is the feeling of having NO control over it.  Did the new management team ask for my input?  No.  Did the new management team ask anyone in our group for input?  No.  Did the new management team see an opportunity to take over and make us conform, turning us into mindless drones, now that we have no manager to watch over us?  YES!!!  And I HATE IT!!  Ok enough on that...back to what I was coming to vent about.

So, with all the changes at work, I'm adding a new stress.  A stress that I do NOT need.  I cried several times today, and basically threw a fit in front of my new boss.  I'll blame that on my pregnancy hormones by the way.  Along with my other worries, I now need to add job security to my list.  Not only am I worried about job security, but now, the simple thing of being happy with my job is gone.  And it wasn't that long ago that I was not happy with my job, so that is still very fresh in my mind.  I do not want to go back to dreading having to go into work everyday, or crying on my way there because I feel trapped in a crappy job.  But like most people, I stuck it out because I needed the money.  And with Bean coming along, I REALLY need the money now.  And who wants to be the mom that hates their job so much, that the stress of it makes her take it out on the people around her?  So again...I feel trapped.  I feel like I have no control over any part of my life, and that really stresses me out.  And being stressed all the time worries me MORE because I don't know what its doing to Bean.  I want to protect him from everything, even from myself.  Unfortunately, these emotions of mine are not easily controlled...

Well, that's enough of that.  I just need to keep praying, and I'm sure God will help me get through this.  We've been talking everyday for the last couple of weeks, and I'm happy to have him back in my life...I just wish I could "let go" and let him take over so that I don't have to worry so much.  I guess that takes time...

My Bean is getting so Big!

I was looking at my ultrasound pictures the other day, and was amazed at how big and how developed Bean is now.  I saw the very first ultrasound, and immediately started tearing up.  He was my itty bitty Bean back then...so small...so fragile....and so...Bean like, lol.  Thats where his nickname came from...he looked like a little Bean.  

I had a check up yesterday, along with another ultrasound.  I am 30 weeks now, and everything looks good so far.  Bean was VERY active during the ultrasound, and just like the last time, the tech had a hard time getting what she needed because he wouldn't stay still, lol.  She did mention, however, that he is a bit on the big side.  So it looks like I may have a chunky Bean.  I guess we'll see...either way, I can't wait to meet him and finally hold him in my arms. <3 <3 <3

Here are some of my ultrasound pictures...

At 12 weeks...lookin like a Bean <3

At 19 weeks...sucking his thumb <3 <3

At 30 weeks...lookin like a chunky Bean <3 <3 <3

When I think about my Bean, my heart just swells up and I start to cry.  I've heard of the love of a child being so enormous your heart cant take it.  I now see what people mean, and he isn't even here yet!  I can only IMAGINE what he will be like, or how he'll look...either way, he has my whole heart now. 

More new pics!!!

So I found this shirt on clearance, and my friends loved it.  I wasn't sure about the stripes at first.  I thought they may make me look bigger, and who needs that!??!  But...it was very comfy when I tried it on, and lately thats all I care about! Lol.  Anyway, so here I am...big belly and all.  Can you see my Beanie in there?!?  He's the real star! <3

Beanie and I

Yes...I did the cheesy heart with my hands...but isn't it cute?!!?

My friends looove to make me do stuff...lol

My friends have been bugging me to take pics of me and my baby belly, but I've been putting it off.  Well, they love to make me do stuff, lol....especially when they think I'm just being hard headed (which is often).  Here are a few pics that we took after work one day.  It was windy so my hair had to stay in a pony tail, and it was HOT!!  If you zoom in, you may see the beads of sweat rolling down my face, lol.  Thanks to my photographers, Katie Mac and Fitz!

Loving my Bean

I'm 29 weeks today!

Wow...I can't believe I only have 11 more weeks to go!  When I found out I was pregnant, I signed up for a few of those baby websites that help you figure out whats going on with your baby.  I have to say, they have been great!!  Every week, not only does it let me know what the baby is going through, but it also tells me about some of the symptoms I might be having.  It was so useful because it made me feel like everything was ok and normal.  I didn't have to call the Dr's office every time something new happened, because I already new that I was right on track!

I get a couple emails from different sites.  One site mentioned that his head is getting bigger to accommodate for his growing brain, which is busy developing billions of neurons!!  I think its time for more Baby Einstein, lol.  Here is one of our 29th week emails:

At 29 weeks pregnant, your baby is almost 17 inches tall now (nearly as tall as he or she will be at birth), and close to three pounds (a weight that will likely more than double — and may even come close to tripling —  by delivery time). His or her wrinkled skin is smoothing out as more fat is deposited under the skin surface. This fat, called white fat, is different from the earlier brown fat that your developing fetus accumulated. Brown fat is necessary for body temperature regulation while white fat (the fat you have, Mom) actually serves as an energy source.
 
Which explains why your energizer baby feels so…well…energized!  Space in your baby's living quarters is now at a premium, so you'll be feeling jabs and pokes from elbows and knees mostly. But those kicks will be more vigorous than before (and also less erratic) because your baby is stronger and excitedly responding to all sorts of stimuli — movement, sounds, light, and that candy bar you ate half an hour ago.

Luckily, your baby doesn't have teeth yet that would need a brushing after that sugary treat, but it won't be long before you'll need to buy that first baby toothbrush! You'll recall that your baby's baby-teeth buds formed weeks ago, but now the buds for permanent teeth are forming in his or her gums as well.
 
And back to those kicks, who's counting?  Actually, you should be.  Now's a good time to start doing a kick count twice a day to make sure baby's doing just fine (plus, it's a good excuse for a rest). Lie down (preferably after a snack) and keep track of your baby's movements. You're looking for at least ten movements in an hour's time (don't forget to count movements of any kind — kicks, flutters, swishes, rolls, and so on).

29 Weeks

Me and the Monkey

I had a good time babysitting my nephew yesterday.  Monkey was in a good mood the whole time I was there, although I did leave a bit earlier than Grandma because I needed a nap, lol.  We took some pictures, had some milk...even changed a diaper!  I know how to do it, so its not new...just thought I'd get some more practice in before Bean gets here.  It was a good afternoon .  :)

Monkey and I

 Don't step on your cousin Bean!

Feeling fat...part II

I was trying to get past those feelings of feeling fat and yucky.  I kept telling myself that I'm carrying a baby...I have LIFE growing inside of me, and what could be more beautiful than that!?!?!  Who cares that I've gained a few extra pounds of fluff??  I was doing ok with that until I decided to go out and look for an outfit for my upcoming baby shower(s).  All of the maternity clothes that I bought at the beginning were plain...nothing really cute.  I was just happy that I found some clothes that I could wear, since I wasn't sure that there would be a plus size maternity section to begin with.  Now that I want something cute for my baby shower, I'm stuck.  I went to several stores and found nothing!  Either they don't carry plus size maternity, or if they do, they have very little to choose from.  Don't they know that every woman, whether big or small, wants to look cute!?!?  Just because I'm bigger than average, doesn't mean that I don't want to feel pretty too!  I guess I should be use to having limited selections in clothing...

Ok...enough ranting...time to go get ready for a day with my Monkey!  (For those that don't know who that is, its Bean's older cousin...they'll be about 9 months apart when Bean is born.)

Pregnancy is beautiful...until I feel fat

Lately, I have been feeling pretty plump.  I have always been overweight, and when I got pregnant, the Dr warned me about gaining too much weight.  Unfortunately, due to diet changes, I gained a lot of weight, really fast.  I was a vegetarian for 4 years, and around my 3rd or 4th month of being pregnant, I could not ignore my cravings for meat anymore.  So I gave in...thinking that at least this way, I wouldn't have to worry about not getting enough protein for the baby.  Of course, after 4 years of eating veggies, tofu, and soy products, once I ate meat, I was a goner.  The baby seems to like beef the most, since thats what I've craved from the beginning.  Hamburgers and tacos being my favorites.  So, now I feel fat.   I have been able to slow down the weight gain, but I still feel fat.  Not because of my growing baby belly...but because of all the extra fluff I have growing everywhere else.  Fat...fat...FAT!!!  Fat ankles (I know its water retention, but still), fat thighs, fat hips....I could continue but I wont.  It also doesn't help that when people ask me when I'm due, they all have a shocked look on their face when I tell them I still have a few more months to go.  I'm sure I already look like I'm about to burst!  Anyway...I'm just venting.  It doesn't take away from the beautiful feeling of being pregnant.  I don't wish the baby would come out already....and it definitely doesn't stop me from eating!  I just hope that once he's here, I can find a way to gain some control back.  I wonder if I will ever be able to go back to being a vegetarian?

I had no idea...

Who knew that day cares were SO expensive???  Ok, so I had heard that they were expensive, but jeeze...I didn't expect it to equal almost a whole other mortgage payment!  My mother, being the excited grandmother that she is, started looking at day cares one day while I was at work.  The several that she checked were chain day cares, and they were all pretty close to home.  I could not believe the prices they quoted her!!  The average is $200 a week...how am I suppose to afford that?!?  After my divorce, I kept the house that we had bought together.  I use to be proud of being single with a house...paying my own way, taking care of myself.  I had to work a lot of overtime to make it, but I did it.  Now with a baby coming, I'm not so sure that its wise to keep it.  Unfortunately, the housing market is still not good, so I'm almost positive I cant sell it, at least not without losing money on it.  So, one option would be to leave it and take the hit to my credit, which by the way is excellent.  It almost makes me sick to think about the hard work I put into keeping my credit good just so I can throw it all away.  Anyway, the second option would be to have my mom move in with me.  She would either have to rent her home or try to sell it.  I'm 32 years old, having my first baby... I'm not sure how I feel about living with my mom again.

Well, I still have about 3 months left of my pregnancy, and then a few months of maternity leave.  I guess I have some time to figure it out....I just hope the answer comes to me soon!

God and I talked last night...

So, my friends that have known me for years, know that I'm not the most religious person in the world.  Its not that I don't believe in God, but more so that I don't believe in organized religion.  And because I don't believe in organized religion, I had let those feelings distance me from even having conversations with Him.  Prayers were not a part of my daily routine, and when I would occasionally think about praying (usually in a time of crisis), I would feel guilty for only thinking of Him then.  Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I only prayed when I needed something??  So, that distanced me further and further away from any religious side I may have had in the past.

He definitely has been on my mind lately though.  And after talking to a few friends, they pointed out that even if I felt that I was being a hypocrite, that God would not see it that way.  That He is there for me when I need Him, and I should at least attempt to get Him back in my life.  So, last night we talked.  I prayed for the first time in a long time.  I mean, I've attempted to pray in the past...but it was nothing like last night.   Last night I told Him everything that was on my mind, and I think he listened.   I was lost for so long, that I never thought I'd get myself back.  And then Bean came along....he saved me from myself.  I had to thank God for this blessing, not only because I thought I couldn't have kids and I'd never get to be a mother, but also because Bean LITERALLY saved me.  I knew the path I was on was leading no where but to more heartache and destruction.  I stayed on that path because I just didn't care anymore.  Then I was blessed with Bean, and he pulled me away from that life.  I know I am still not a 100% me...but I'm getting there.  I have a new love in my life, and he is going to depend on me for everything.  I have to be strong for him, and have faith that God is by my side again.  Not because God ever left me, but because I left Him.

So, today is a new day....today I see Him in my life.  I will not ignore Him anymore.  I am blessed and thankful for everything he has provided me, and even for the things that have been taken away from me. Because without those things happening, I wouldn't have my Bean....

Update on our visit with family...

So, the birthday party at my aunts house this past weekend was great!  I got to see my cousins and grandmother, and they all got to meet belly Bean.  I cant wait until we all meet him for real...

The highlight was when the Beans great Grandma Mimi brought out the indestructible Sponge Bob piñata.  It literally took the kids more than half an hour to TRY and bust it open.  They did some damage to Sponge Bob's limbs, but I think eventually an adult just ripped him open and shook out all the candies, lol.

I cant wait till Bean gets to enjoy these birthday parties with me. <3

My lil cousin Christy and I

Tia Ana, Bean and I, and Grandma Mimi

The Kiddos - Riley, Kingston, and the birthday girl, Brisa

Grandma Mimi and my cousin Danny with the indestructible piñata!  

Going to see Bean's Great Grandma Mimi

My grandmother is in town (all the way from Mexico) for one of her other great grand baby's birthday parties.  This will be the first time she'll get to see me during my pregnancy, so I'm excited for her to meet my Bean!  I know its not their first "real" meeting, but still...in life you never know whats going to happen, so this is still special to me.  I think my hormones are kicking in really strong lately, because I'm actually tearing up right now, lol. Time to go get ready for the party!

New Worries

So I just read through the new issue of Baby Talk and I'm freaking out a bit.  First off, to any new mothers or mothers to be, this is a free subscription.  Its not a very thick magazine, but it has a lot of good info, which is all Im looking for.  And whats better than free?!?!?

Two new worries that came out of reading this months mag...radiation from cell phones or laptops and dangerous crib items.  First things first...possible radiation from my lap top...really???  I usually surf the net, write my blog posts, and do my online shopping with my laptop in my lap.  Preferably reclined at a 45 degree angle, on my recliner.  So all these months, I've been feeding radiation to my poor little Bean??  Ugh, I feel like a horrible mother now.  They sell these radiation blocking blankets and shirts that pregnant women can use, but I only have a few months left so I probably wont purchase one.  Why didnt my Dr say something, or why wasnt it in one of the many baby sites that I visit??  I just HOPE that I had enough layers of fat to block some of the radiation, lol.  I guess its back to uncomfortable web surfing and blogging....

The next article was about possible crib dangers that can cause harm or even death to your baby.  I expected some of the suggestions, like having the baby sleep on his or her back or not buying a drop side crib.  But there were some suggestions I wasn't expecting.  For instance, no toys or blankets in the crib till after the baby is one.  So no cute teddy bear to cuddle with...no blankets to keep him warm...no pillow for his head.  I can deal with no toys or pillows, but what am I suppose to do with that expensive blanket set that I'm getting for the babies room???  Why do stores even sell this stuff if the baby isn't suppose to use anything.  I'm kinda feeling like its just going to be a waste of money, but at the same time I want it, lol. Not much I can do now since its already been bought for us.  I'll have to figure something out I guess...

Anyway, thats enough worrying for now...its past our bedtime.  Good night my friends!

http://www.parenting.com/Babytalk/babytalk.jsp?genID=7

No luck...

Bean and I went to Party City to see if we could find some cute baby shower decorations.  Unfortunately, they are not very well stocked.   I mean, they have some cute stuff, but its the same stuff I've see over and over again.  Bleh!!  Maybe we'll have better luck at Arne's next weekend.

On the plus side...I did find some cute mother's day cards for my mom and my sister in law.  This is my sister in law's first official mothers day, so I wanted to find her a cute card.  As for my mom...I found a cute card that will be mainly from Bean to his Grandma. We also had chili dogs for lunch, which was great!! Until, now, that I feel my hands swelling up a bit.  Is it the sodium in the food, or the heat from outside??  I don't know, but I think I will blame it on the heat for now.  And for an extra treat...blue bell cookies and cream ice cream!!  For those of you that don't know, I am lactose intolerant...but pregnancy cravings cannot be shut down like regular cravings.  So...this should be interesting...lol.

Worrying is kinda my thing...

I try not to worry...I try to let things go, and just hope for the best.  But sometimes that doesn't work.  I know that worrying and stress aren't good for Bean.  In fact, all my worrying makes me worry about what I'm doing to him in there!  Anyway, I know that once I have him...once he's in my arms and I'm in charge of his little life, the worrying is going to really take off.  So, to any parents out there who were worriers before they had children, how do you manage to keep your sanity through parenthood?  Does it get any easier over the years, or will there always be something to worry about??  I always thought that I'd have my husband there to help keep me sane...to keep me from driving our kids crazy, lol.  Oh well...guess I need to figure this out on my own.

I think instead of sitting here worrying, I'm going to take Bean for a drive...grandma is working, so we'll have some time alone. :)

Bean's Nursery

The nursery is coming along nicely.  My brother in law and nephew helped me put it up, so no manual labor for me!  I decided to go with a Noah's Ark theme for the room, seeing as I love animals.  I happen to have found a nursery set that was on clearance, and my big brother bought it for me...yay!  So, I hurried up and got some of the other stuff that belonged with the set, like the mobile, the lamp, and some wall decals.  I love it so far...I cant wait till it's done!

Feeling restricted and unhappy!

My co-workers are out getting burgers, while I sit here resenting my lunch. I brought left overs, which were great last night, but just don't seem as great as a burger. I want to do better though, and include healthier choices for Bean, so I declined the invite to tag along. I even brought a salad to go a long with my lunch....but all I can think is "Stupid salad! I want a burger!" And it just sits there...mocking me.

Happy Easter Bean!

Hope everyone has their Easter plans set with family and friends.  I know this is not technically Beans first Easter, but it kind of is, lol.  We have plans with my mom, my brother and his wife and his in laws today.  It is my nephews first Easter (Beans cousin) so that should be fun.  Even though he's only 4 months old, and he probably has no idea whats going on...lol.  But spending time with family is always good. Im just hoping there will be some sweets I can enjoy. :)

Yesterday, my sister in law and her husband, and my niece and nephews, came over to help me put together Beans dresser together.  It was soooo nice to see them....I miss them all the time.  The dresser had a few small issues, but otherwise, it looks great!  I cant wait till everything is done in his room so he can have a little space of his own.

Happy Easter!!

Me, and Bean, after a big Easter dinner...I would have smiled but my mother gave me no warning, lol.

A great day for Bean and I

Today I had a doctors appointment.  Its only been 2 weeks since my last one, but the Dr was concerned about me gaining weight too fast.  The appointment went great though!  I only gained 2 lbs, which I seriously thought would have been 5 or 6.  I also got the results of my glucose test, and it was normal.  The highlight of the appointment was hearing Bean's heart beat again....as always, it was like hearing the most beautiful music in the world. <3

Another great thing...I decided on a name for Bean.  Although I love calling him Bean and wouldn't mind doing it forever, I don't think it would look good on a resume, or his wedding invitations lol.  I also decided on his nursery theme and my brother was nice enough to buy me the set.  I cant wait to get his room set up!

So all in all...it was great day!

The crib is up!

This past weekend, my mom and I were able to put the crib together.  It wasn't as hard as I thought....but it also wasn't easy, lol.  There was a lot of bending and sitting on my knees that ended up being a little too much.  But...it got done.  Im not planning on being there for the dresser though...I think I will need to get help for that.  But Beans nursery is coming along nicely...I cant wait till its done! :)

This is Beans crib...isn't it beautifully simple?

Baby Shopping and Diet Changes

Two things that are stressing me out...trying to figure out what the baby (Bean) is going to need, and what to eat next.  Im happy that I dont have to buy everything just yet, and hoping that all my friends and family that I love sooooo much will help me out in this area.  Being single and having a baby is stressful enough, I really dont want to stress about money too (even though I probably will anyway).  Also, since going from a vegetarian, to eating what I want, meat included, I feel restricted again now that the Dr has told me I need to watch what I eat.  I will do it for Bean, but that doesnt mean I will be happy about it!  In fact, I just read that Natalie Portman went from a Vegan to Vegetarian during her current pregnancy.  Pregnancy cravings are crazy people!  There is nothing like it.  So now I dont feel so bad.  Even though she's not eating meat, she is eating animal products again.  And who knows, maybe she'll move onto meat in the next couple months!

For now, while I eat my salad...I will continue to dream about this...mmmmmm.

Another diet change...

The Bean and I had a Dr's appointment yesterday...another monthly check up.  Unfortunately, the Dr was not pleased with me.  Bean is doing good, but I guess Ive been enjoying my non-vegetarian ways a little too much and packed on a few pounds.  Im not sure what I expected, since it had been 4 years since I had all this good food.  Plus, being able to eat whatever you want, requires no planning.  Which also means getting to eat ANYWHERE I want.  I thought I was finally free of having to plan my meals ahead of time, or being forced to choose from only a few restaurants...ugh, think again.  Im back to having to plan my meals, although I am still going to enjoy my fleshy friends for a while longer.  I just wish that healthy foods tasted as good as the bad foods.  I believe Bean wishes the same...

Today, the Bean enjoyed hot dogs...yesterday fajita tacos...over the weekend, German sausage. Does he not realize I was a vegetarian for 4 years??? I <3 him